Watching your child head off to college is a moment of pride but also one of uncertainty. As they take their first real steps into adulthood, your role as a parent naturally begins to shift.

I remember well when my own two kids went off to college. As a long-time Student Affairs professional, I’d long been preaching the benefits of letting go so that our children can experience college fully. I was lucky to have many models of what to do (and what not to do!) from many parents who’d gone before me. And I was lucky to have seen, from the student’s perspective, how important that shift can be.

Staying in touch is important but knowing when and how to connect makes all the difference. Of course, regular check-ins offer a sense of consistency. Indeed, many of us remember weekly calls with our parents (on Sunday nights when the long distance rates were lower)! In today’s connected world we tend to worry when we have not heard from our son or daughter in a few hours, but this is actually a good sign for a college student. When they do have an issue, encourage them to reach out when they need help, but resist the urge to solve every problem that arises. This is a time when listening more and advising less can actually strengthen your relationship. A good response to the inevitable problem is to acknowledge the issue and ask them what they are going to do about it.

One of the toughest things for parents is knowing when to step in and when to let their student navigate a challenge on their own. That roommate conflict? The disappointing grade? These are opportunities for growth. Research consistently shows that students who are given the space to make decisions, and yes, even mistakes, tend to become more adaptable and resilient, over time. They learn how to advocate for themselves, solve problems, and recover from setbacks, all of which are essential skills for adult life.

Letting go isn’t about disengaging, it’s about evolving. You’re not leaving the parenting role behind; you are transitioning into a trusted advisor. That shift can feel difficult, but it’s also a gift to your child.  You are giving them the gift of freedom to explore their independence, with the knowledge that you are still in their corner. With patience, encouragement, and the occasional nudge in the right direction, you’re helping them build the confidence they need to succeed far beyond the college years.  You are indeed part of their educational, intellectual, and emotional journey and how you navigate this transition is one of the most important contributions that you will ever make to their continued development as an adult.